Old Emotions (Star Trek TNG, The Closer, Beverly Crusher, Brenda Leigh Johnson)

[divinemissem13]

Title: Old Emotions
Fandoms: Star Trek TNG, The Closer
Pair: Beverly Crusher/ Brenda Leigh Johnson
Content Warnings: N/A
Prompt: with the title "old emotions"

When she moved to San Francisco, Brenda Leigh Johnson thought she would be getting a fresh start (again). She left behind a desk job that felt like a prison, a myriad of ruined personal relationships — not the least of which was yet another failed marriage to a man she never should have agreed to marry in the first place — and far too many painful memories to count.

She didn't know anyone in San Francisco (or so she thought). She'd never even visited. But somehow, when she saw that job opening at the SFPD, Brenda knew that was where she needed to be.

So she escaped from LA, never once considering that an even more distant past would come back to haunt her.

***

Brenda met Beverly the summer after her freshman year at Georgetown. Knowing that sciences were not her strong suite, Brenda had opted to stay in town and attend summer school to get those requirements out of the way when there weren't so many distractions. It was a good plan, on paper. It was a good plan right until the biology GA walked into the classroom and Brenda found herself distracted in a whole different way. Tall and lithe with the bearing of a dancer, long red hair like fire, and blue eyes that a person could drown in if they weren't careful, Beverly Howard was everything Brenda never knew she wanted. And for some reason that she might never fully understand, Beverly wanted Brenda too.

Brenda learned a fair amount about biology that summer, but none of it was on the final exam.

She learned how the human body could react to nothing more than a look, if the look came from the right person. She learned what could make a heart rate quicken, or a pupil dilate, or breath catch.

She learned what it felt like to be loved and accepted for who she was, and how it could make a stomach flutter and a cheek heat up and turn pink.

They fit together perfectly and Brenda had been so sure they would be together forever… But the summer ended, and Beverly left for medical school in France, and back then, France may as well have been the moon for how difficult it was to stay in touch. So they didn't.

Brenda had three more years at Georgetown and if Beverly wanted to find her, it would have been easy. She even accepted a job with the CIA right out of school so that she would still be in DC. But Beverly never came back for her. And since Beverly never came looking, Brenda didn't look either.

***

Years pass, memories fade, and Brenda doesn't even think of Beverly all that often any more. Well, maybe just occasionally, when she spots someone with flame-red hair in a crowd and her heart skips a beat. Or maybe, when she was married to Fritz and someone would call her Mrs. Howard, she might have thought fleetingly of a different Howard she could have married in a different life. Maybe that's why she never took Fritz's name.

The first time Brenda walks into the SFPD morgue, the ME is standing with her back to the door, her red hair on full display, and Brenda's heartbeat quickens. What are the chances that this redhead doctor is her redhead doctor? Slim to none Brenda tells herself as she shakes her head and focuses on lowering her heart rate.

"Dr. Crusher? I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh —" The doctor turns and Brenda freezes mid sentence, her breath stuck in her throat.

"Brenda Leigh Johnson," the doctor finishes, blue eyes sparkling with anticipation. Blue eyes that, even after 20 years, Brenda would still happily drown in.

Brenda finally remembers to exhale and when she does, the sound that comes out is combination of a sob and Beverly's name.

And right there, in the morgue, with a murder victim lying on the table nearby, Beverly steps forward and takes Brenda in her arms. For her part, Brenda goes more than willingly.

Beverly rubs Brenda's back, the crinkling of the blue paper gown echoing through the otherwise silent morgue. "I'm so sorry," Beverly murmurs in her ear. "I thought it would be a good surprise."

Brenda pulls back just enough to look into those fathomless blue eyes and she smiles through her tears. "It's the best surprise."

It had been over 20 years, but they still fit perfectly. And this time, neither one is letting go.